for the record / 2014

• officials would not say whether the president will seek to recast the war on terrorism as the war on motive in the state of the union speech — 2014-01-27
• officials refused to indicate whether the they would seek to have the honorific of “president” changed to “chief unitary executive officer” — 2014-01-28
• officials refused to comment / on whether or not they are drafting plans outlining a new toxic asset recovery program for the internet — 2014-04-09
• officials declined to comment whether intelligence analysts are issued mugs emblazoned with the words “all your buffer are overflow to us” — 2014-04-12
• officials declined to comment on news of a “hunger games” style competition involving two members of every bus taking workers to the valley — 2014-04-19
• officials declined to comment on plans to draft legislation setting “commercially reasonable” standards for privacy — 2014-04-25
• officials declined to comment on reports that facebook is planning a hostile takeover of comcast following the time-warner acquisition — 2014-05-08
• officials refused to comment on reports the NSA has engaged in the wide scale rewriting of block chain histories / “what reports?” said one — 2014-05-10
• officials declined to comment on news of a secretive airline company operating stealth concorde flights in and out of private airports — 2014-05-12
• officials declined to comment on news that "five eyes" intelligence agency staffers sometimes refer to themselves as http://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/MSRD:Psionics — 2014-05-14
• officials declined to comment on reports that the victors wrote the algorithms — 2014-05-15
• officials declined to comment on reports that searches for the government sanctioned breakup of bell systems in 1982 were being throttled — 2014-05-15
• officials would not comment on news of a proposed "high frequency trading algorithms for the digital humanities" professional certification — 2014-05-22
• officials would not comment on news the former president sent a USA-shaped cheese plate from the 9/11 museum shop to his french counterpart — 2014-05-23
• officials refused to comment when asked whether drones would participate in the annual fleet week flyovers of the city — 2014-05-24
• officials did not comment on news they seek to have trust-but-verify ruled unconstitutional on grounds that it violates the first amendment — 2014-05-24
• officials declined to comment on reports of a memo suggesting that “fear uncertainty and doubt” can be considered a kind of social contract — 2014-06-01
• officials declined to speculate on the meaning of a leaked memo titled “we have always been at war with 127.0.0.1” — 2014-06-07
• officials declined to comment on reports that an armada of sol lewitt inspired dazzle ships would patrol the rivers around new york city — 2014-06-12
• officials declined to comment on reports that the facebook emotional timeline experiment was really just a metaphor for net neutrality — 2014-06-30
• officials refused to comment on news that questions about facebook would continue to be dropped on the floor until morale improves — 2014-07-03
• officials did not comment on news that a remake of do androids dream of electric sheep will feature decker keeping a pet BIGDOG on the roof — 2014-07-04
• officials from @mapzen and @mapbox refused to comment on reports that martha stewart's publishing arm is set to launch a line of map tiles — 2014-07-30
• officials would not comment on reports that the record will be amended to hereafter refer to the city-state as a “LAN party” — 2014-07-31
• officials would not comment on reports that the line separating dazzle paint and op-art had recently been re-classified — 2014-08-08
• officials would not speculate whether zipcode rock would eventually be seen as the killer feature or the clippy of the surveillance state — 2014-08-08
• officials would not speculate whether or not history should be granted common carrier status — 2014-08-15
• officials in ferguson declined to comment on the news that @flickr is now the official photo-sharing app of football games — 2014-08-18
• officials declined to comment of reports that metaphor is scheduled to be reclassified as a kind of rent-seeking — 2014-08-26
• officials refused to speculate on reports that BIGDOG had been sighted sniffing around stationary uber cabs — 2014-08-26
• officials refused to comment when asked whether individuals would be able to access CCTV footage of themselves as hyperlapse videos — 2014-08-27
• officials declined to comment on news that mandelbrot's line in the sand had been discovered or to speculate whether it would be classified — 2014-09-18
• officials declined to comment on news that the dia foundation and lego had reached a licensing agreement for walter de maria's "earth room" — 2014-09-24
• officials declined to comment when asked whether the class action lawsuit against the social contract was filed by the street or the man — 2014-10-03
• officials declined to comment when asked if it was like uber for turing tests — 2014-10-12
• officials declined to speculate on reports of plans to classify convenience as a kind of honeypot — 2014-10-12
• officials declined to comment on rumours that a lego-branded glitch art box set would be released in time for the holiday shopping season — 2014-10-26
• officials declined to comment on reports that spotify has acquired the collected works of sol lewitt — 2014-10-27
• officials declined to comment on reports that star-fucking would be granted common carrier status — 2014-10-31
• officials declined to comment on reports that metaphor would be reclassified as product placement for tax purposes — 2014-11-01
• officials refused to comment on reports of a study describing a blockchain for gentrification — 2014-11-20
• officials refused to speculate on rumours that the end of history would be renewed for a second season — 2014-11-23
• officials refused to speculate when asked whether a national security letter had been issued against the end of history — 2014-11-24
• officials declined to speculate whether the practice of deliberately jumping to page two of a google search results set was the new normcore — 2014-12-04
• officials declined to comment when asked whether convolutional neural networks would be required to come equipped with backdoors — 2014-12-05
• officials also refused to speculate when asked whether convolutional neural networks would be required to wear bodycams — 2014-12-05
• officials did not comment on reports the phrase "move fast and break things" was part of a normalization campaign for enhanced interrogation — 2014-12-12
• officials would not comment on reports of a RFP for a "learned helplessness" augmented reality platform — 2014-12-12
• officials declined to speculate when asked whether surge pricing applied to the end of history — 2014-12-15
• officials would not discuss reports that the social contract was being considered for reclassification as a kind of vendor lock-in — 2014-12-19
• officials would not comment on reports the algorithm had invoked the fifth amendment when asked how it would interpret the fourth amendment — 2014-12-21
• officials would not comment on rumours of a remake of kevin costner’s 1997 film “the postman” but re-titled “the ISP” — 2014-12-26
• officials would not speculate on rumours of the existence of an emoji character set for unitary executive theory — 2014-12-27
• officials did not comment on reports that the fulton street transit hub had been nicknamed THE SHAPE in honour of the painter philip guston — 2014-12-28